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How to manage one or more persons in the grip of anger

A note by Master Kongling – The only warrior able to subdue the opponent without even having to touch him is the one who uses intelligence.

Continuing the speech of the first level of personal defense (the most “bland”, read Self Defense: 10 Things to avoid in a quarrel), let’s review some tips about the right attitude to keep not to allow a common argument to transform into a physical confrontation.

Note – This article has been asked by one of our Core Course practitioners on Patreon (see how to attend our home study classes here Learn Kung Fu online: a beginner-to-expert course).

Before proceeding, to better understand the scenario we are going to analyze, here are some examples of the situations we are going to analyze (read Self defense: how to behave):

A labor dispute (for example, for workload issues)
A quarrel between acquaintances (for example, for economic reasons)
A quarrel between strangers (for example, for a car accident, read Self-defense: aggression in front of a supermarket)
A dispute in the disco (for example for the partner)
A family quarrel (for example, for the subdivision of household tasks)
…

We are talking about situations that are trivial in which external factors (such as the perpetuation of the same problems, the temperature being too high, etc.) can lead people to act even in an extreme way.

What to do

Any critical situation, even the less (apparently) dangerous should be managed similarly. In this kind of context it is fundamental to not lose our self-control, so let’s see what is right to remember in a self-defense situation:

First, we must forget our pride – We have nothing to demonstrate to those who are in front of us, nor to those who are with us (known or unknown they are); we must prove to ourselves that we are good and strong enough to control our instincts (fear, anger, read

The speech

The speech is an incredibly powerful weapon:

Who speaks does not fight – Until the end of the danger we never have to cease to oppose dialogue to aggressions; let’s ask for motivations / explanations, let’s compose simple questions to which he will be (unconsciously) forced to answer
Understanding instead of opposing – We must demonstrate not to accept but to understand what drives our “adversary” to behave in his way; we need to connect his motivations to ours but without pretending to determine who is right and who is wrong
We can gently invite our interlocutor to lower the tone – Asking for example why he feels the need to shout, to be so agitated (etc.); we must force him to describe his point of view keeping actively working his brain

A note by Master Kongling – I know. All these details in a stressful situation are difficult to handle and put into practice but let’s focus on the fact that, in the worst case, we will not have a second chance to do the right steps. The time for preparation is now, the one for discipline is every day, the one for concentration will be the self-defense moment.

In the next article, we will see some examples of advanced psychological techniques.

In-depth video courses

Basic 6 Dragons Kung Fu Exercises – A video course about the fundamental steps to build real martial skills
Self-defense basics: how to – Everything you need to protect yourself and who is with you
Self-defense: not violent self-preservation – Methods to solve self-defense scenarios without recurring to violence

In-depth articles

Warrior’s self control – The right mental attitude in front of any kind of opponent
Fighting and mind control: the anchors – An effective method to instantly “call” the state of mind we need

Questions

Reply in the comments and share your experience:

Have you ever managed to lower the tone during a quarrel? How?

Author: Master Kongling

Founder of 6 Dragons Kung Fu.

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